and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize
