We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Randomize
