She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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