I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
