She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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