I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
