i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
