It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
