Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
