fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
