just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
