It's Friday. Sex?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
