tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
It's shark week go big or go home
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
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