My sheets look like a crime scene.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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