My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
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