i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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