Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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