clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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