I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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