dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
