if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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