the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
