One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
