Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
