I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
