Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
