OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
