YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
