In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
