Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
