the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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