Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
