I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
