Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
operation harelip BJ is a go
my shit smells like andre
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Randomize
