I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
