is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
