Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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