come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
