I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
