Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
No subtext here. People are naked.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
