he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
