if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
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