i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
