If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Randomize
