I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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