You're so nebulous sometimes
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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