sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
