wakey wakey hands off snakey
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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