I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
