dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
