some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
