You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
