Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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