I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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